Time will fly, I won’t get paralyzed by it.

My mother taught me that past is necessary for someone’s growth. Looking back to what happened before stepping your feet into a new stage is important. She said, “one can’t move forward if they never take some time to look back and learn from what happened.”

I took sometime to pause, to look back, to think, to learn, re-learn, unlearn.

Some also says that healing is not linear, and it’s totally normal that one’s way to heal is different from the others. It’s also normal that you feel sad after you thought you’re already healed. It takes time, and we got all the time in the world to do it. It’s a tiring, but worthy process.

I knew from the start that mine will be worthy too.

This journey, slowly but sure, helped me to believe myself more. It encourages me, empowers me, remind me that I’m strong enough to stand on my own feet. And people that care for me will surround me with their warmth and love, to back me up or hold me when I feel like my feet are getting weak, or when my body trembles. I got enough power and support to keep me going.

But as a person who always has doubts, I also doubt myself at times. I doubt that I did the right thing, I doubt that I’ll ever be completely okay. I’m afraid that I will be perceived badly, wrongly. I’m scared that in one’s eye, I’ll came out as a liar, barrier, obstacles, or any other bad stuffs that has been appearing on my brain … that I fight so hard to not believe or show any care of.

Those, are, solely going in my head … right? That’s not the truth. I know myself the best.

I will get over this. I will be okay. I will heal. I will bloom. I will grow.

Time will fly. I won’t get paralyzed by it. I may not find my old self again, but I will meet and be a better version of myself.